Someone seemed to think that I am what’s called a supertaster—a person with an unusually high number of taste buds. So I did a little research. Apparently supertasters experience bitter and salty foods more intensely than other people. Supposedly they crave salt because it cancels out the bitterness. Some of the foods that supertasters can't stomach are Brussels sprouts, broccoli, cabbage, kale, spinach, green tea, coffee, alcohol, soy products and dark chocolate. Huh? No dark, leafy greens, bittersweet chocolate or caffeine? But those are my BFFs (Bitter Food Friends). Without them, how would I get my folic acid fix, satiate my sweet tooth and jumpstart my cerebrum so it can create this scintillating prose?
Though I haven't taken it, there is a supertaster test that can determine whether or not you are of that ilk. You put a filter paper on your tongue, and supertasters will find the test unbearably bitter. But since I have come to the probable conclusion that I'm not a supertaster, I haven't bothered. What would I do with that knowledge anyway? Put it on my résumé under Super Powers? Thanks, but I'll stick to channeling my ESP in public and alienating those around me.
Yes, my behavior drives people crazy, but some are actually impressed by it, as if I am gifted. And the more they expect me to excel at it, the more competitive I get. When I play tennis, I cavalierly hit the ball and hope it lands within the lines. But I’ll be damned if anyone’s gonna beat me at falafel ball or meatball. I got game! So I got to thinking. Could I parlay my ESP into a lucrative career on ESPN? Could I make the big time as a professional athleater? Until a sports agent discovers me, I guess I’ll still be playing in the minors. But just you wait. One day I’m going to be the next Kobe Beef Bryant.
*I took this photo at a cafeteria in Istanbul