In fact, I’ve been thinking that everyone should carry with them diet identification—a bar code tattooed on your stomach that can be scanned at restaurants, dinner parties, hospitals, etc. that says whether you’re an omnivore, carnivore, locavore, flexitarian, pescatarian, pollotarian, raw foodist, vegetarian, ovo-vegetarian, lacto-vegetarian, lacto-ovo-vegetarian, lactating-ovulating vegetarian, lactose-intolerant vegetarian, vegan, bi-curious vegan (fantasizes about eggs and milk), gluten-free, glutton-free, or decline to state. I could go on, but I wore myself out.
On the other hand, it’s taken me all these years to remember my social security number. Now I’m supposed to memorize a behemoth, multi-syllabic moniker with more shades of ambiguity than Ryan Seacrest’s hair? Until I’ve decided on one, I’m going with gluttonous maximous.
What’s your diet I.D.?