If you ask me, Thin Mints should a) keep you thin, and b) be mint. With their hydrogenated oil and high-fructose corn syrup, the original fails on both fronts. What could be more svelte and refreshing than a chocolate-covered mint leaf? (See recipe) This zero-calorie leaf dipped in organic, child slavery-free dark chocolate is chock-full of flavonoids, antioxidants and polyphenols. Brilliant in its simplicity, (it's hard to be humble when you're a visionary), it is both nutritionally and aesthetically pleasing. Never mind that you have to eat a whole plant to be satisfied. A chocolate plant-based diet is good for you.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
My Healthy Girl Scout Cookie Makeover
If you read my Notes from a Girl Scout Cookie Curmudgeon, then you know I have some issues with the cookies' unscout-like ingredients. If these cookies really embodied Courage, Confidence, Character, they'd have the Cahones to put health before profits. How is little Ashley or Madison going to get to the White House if she's all hopped up on high-fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated oil and artificial color? I think our future Hillaries deserve better. So I have given the five top-selling Girl Scout cookies an all-natural makeover. These upgraded ingredients are guaranteed to have a Scout sitting in the oval office by her 12th birthday—or puberty—whichever comes first.
Now I want Samoa
If you're going to name Samoas® after the Samoan islands, shouldn’t they taste more like Polynesia than Polysorbate? Sure, it has chocolate and coconut to reflect two of their biggest crops, but the South Pacific Islands are also big pineapple producers. So I replaced the hydrogenated oil, corn syrup and caramel-filled cookie with an organic dried pineapple ring, sprinkled it with toasted organic shredded coconut and laced it with organic, fair-trade dark chocolate stripes. You won't even notice I left out the caramel (since you couldn't taste it anyway). Trust me. You’ll be wanting moa in noa time.
Do-si-don't and Do-si-d'oh!
No wonder the name Do-si-dos® refers to a square dance move. Eat too many, and the only dance hall you’ll fit into is a barn. And don't be surprised when your new square dance dress is a moo-moo. Since the original tastes more like cardboard than peanut butter, I've replaced the outer cookies with two mini rice cakes, so you won't even know the difference. I also eliminated the usual oil and corn syrup suspects inside and simply filled it with organic peanut butter. It may not be the most bingeworthy snack, but they're still satisfying in a it's-better-than-a-sharp-poke-in-the-eye kinda way.
Get lost, ol' Tagalong. Hello, new BFF!
Eat too many Tagalongs® and you’ll have to tag along because no one will want to be seen with you. So I replaced the caloric, hydrogenated oil-filled cookie with an organic banana chip, topped it with organic peanut butter and encased it in organic, child slavery-free dark chocolate. True, I’ve deviated from the original peanut butter and chocolate combo by adding banana, but get over it. You purists should just eat a spoonful of organic peanut butter and a fair-trade chocolate chunk if you're so devout. I’m trying to be creative here. When's the last time you solved a problem of this magnitude?
No more trefooling. This is the real thing.
Calling Trefoils shortbread is like calling Gwyneth Paltrow a country singer. Shortbread requires butter, and this is made with soybean and/or palm oil, corn syrup and artificial flavor. The embossed Girl Scout logo is merely a Trefoil so you won't notice how short this shortbread falls. What makes real shortbread so delicious is real butter, so why not skip the pretense and simply have a delicious pat of organic, rBGH hormone- and antibiotic-free butter. That'll give a girl Courage, Confidence, Character, and Cholesterol.