Who needs egg on their face from eating at McDonald's?
My mother used to say that McDonald’s was responsible for raising the nutritional level of Americans by being the first fast-food chain to offer breakfast. I don't know where she got her data, but I looked up the ingredients in an Egg McMuffin, and it has high-fructose corn syrup, sugar, artificial flavor and color, canola oil (most likely from GMO canola), hydrogenated oil, preservatives—and I could go on, but who knows what azodicarbonamide is anyway? Do those mad scientists who created it even know? And if that weren't distressing enough, I'm starting to wonder if I was adopted. How could my own flesh and blood think that's good for you? Could the hospital have switched babies? Fake American cheese, factory-farmed Canadian bacon, and an egg prepared with hydrogenated oils, mono-and diglycerides, sodium benzoate, potassium sorbate and artificial flavor does not a breakfast make, "mom!" Has my whole identity been a fraud like that American cheese? Is my real mother out there somewhere in Birkenstocks with a protest sign and dreadlocks? Do I even exist? If not, then whose varicose veins are these?
Well, in the off-chance that I do exist, I say, who says you can't have a caprese sandwich for breakfast? It's not in my caprese handbook. True, it has cheese (see notes below), but not everyone is ready to go cold turkey. Vegans can use vegan cheese. Find a muffin that's gluten-free. Whatever floats your diet boat, the MockMuffin is a kinder, gentler McMuffin. I just hope searching for my real birth mother doesn't take too long because I can't wait to start working on the Tofu McRib. Now that's going to be special.
1 whole-grain English muffin
1 thick slice fresh buffalo mozzarella cheese (2 slices if you eat both halves open-faced)
Yellow cherry tomatoes, sliced in half
Fresh basil leaves
Splash of olive oil and balsamic vinegar mixed together
Crack of fresh sea salt
- According to Environmental Working Group’s Meat Eater’s Guide to Climate Change, cheese has the third worst environmental impact as a result of greenhouse gases from cradle to grave, after lamb and beef. Pork is fourth. EWG recommends opting for lower-fat dairy products like cream cheese, part-skim or fresh mozzarella, gouda, feta, muenster, cottage cheese and non-fat yogurt. Choose organic when possible.
- According to Change.org, the pork in the Egg McMuffin and McRib comes from pigs who live in tiny enclosures called “gestation crates,” in which the pigs can barely move and often get sores, open wounds and infections. Please sign this petition asking McDonald’s to stop using pork from abused pigs from Smithfield Foods, the largest pork producer in the world. To learn more, watch this short video.
- According to EWG, if everyone in the U.S. ate no meat or cheese just one day a week, it would be like not driving 91 billion miles—or taking 7.6 million cars off the road.